Someone once said, recollections marks the end of something. Yup, perhaps right now, the end is nearing and thus this post for recollections. Perhaps, in my opinion, its really going to end soon and thus i’ve been thinking back on every single thing that i have done for you, every single bit of hurt that i’ve felt ever since i got together with you.
There was once when i thought that no matter how much i felt or did, you wouldnt be bothered. I still remembered you telling me that with your friends there for you, nothing else mattered, not even the sweet cupcakes that i sent you. Not appreciating them, nor even bearing to look at them for another second, you passed it on to them. They didn’t feel a thing while they hungrily devoured that cupcake sent with love. Not caring for the love from the cupcake, you looked nonchalant while they ate it all up. How hurtful that felt, no one knew.
You said you couldnt live without them though i told you my stand. How hard i tried, wanting to fit in, wanting to share whatever happiness you got out of them. Silly me, doing all these while you couldn’t give a fuck. I tried nonetheless. I tried very hard. Thinking of ways to cajole them into liking me, liking whatever hobbies you shared with them. Even sitting through boring matches just so that i could spend more time with them or maybe picking up all the courage i’ve got just to sing a few lines. Didn’t all these mean a thing?
I remembered planning months before for that special day. People say i’m stupid, people ask why i would want to spend that last penny on it. I told them, i didn’t care for i just wanted someone to be happy. I remembered scouring all the possible restaurants which i think you may like. Shortlisting this out, cancelling on the other. All the preparations that i did, i don’t think you felt it. All my love, it just fell into the drain.
Now you’re telling me a different story, that i am restricting you. That i have made you distant yourself from them. I’ve told you my stand many a time but you couldn’t understand. Maybe if i really did what you had done, you may have felt it differently. However, everything may change if you had the courage to tell some people. But you didn’t.
Happily ever after really doesn’t apply to us anymore. You’ve said it countless times but i couldn’t feel the sincerity. Like what i always like to tell my friends, do not ever regret your actions. I guess the only regret from ending this would be the fact that i will never get to hear you call me something which i’ve earned, at least for the past one year. Never once has it left your mouth. It’s alright, i guess i’m just not fated to be that girl.
